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When someone tells you they were hurt, your first words should never be "Are you sure?" or "What were you wearing?" or "He seems so nice." Your first words should be: "I believe you. I'm so sorry. How can I support you right now?" Investigation is for detectives. Compassion is for friends.

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Casual misogyny, rape jokes, "locker room talk," and victim-blaming punchlines create the soil where violence grows. Every time you laugh at a joke about assault, you tell survivors in the room: Your pain is punchline material. Every time you say, "That's not funny," you tell them: I see you, and I will not make you smaller for my comfort. When someone tells you they were hurt, your